‘Modern life is still pretty much determined by the division between day and night. Generally speaking everything happens in the day and during the night the world closes down. During the day we expect to meet with others and to get things done. Life goes on all around us. Then at the end of the day we return home to our families and friends and we temporarily retire from the hustle and bustle to prepare for the next day. We lock the door, draw the curtains, and try to relax. Eventually we take our selves off to bed for a well-earned rest. On the rare occasion our sleep might be disturbed by vaguely worrying thoughts, an unexplained noise, a group of revelers, or even a scary nightmare. When this happens we generally manage to soothe ourselves, by turning on a light, reading a book, making a hot drink, waking our partner, or having a cigarette. You might say all very routine, predictable and familiar, indeed unremarkable. However for those living on the street this routine is not available. There is no clear demarcation between day and night and so the daily struggle simply continues into the night. For many the night time is all together more intense and unpredictable, unknown even. Ask yourself ‘how would I manage on the streets at night?’ ‘What would be the difficulties facing me?’ ‘Would I make it through to light?
My experience on the weekly evening soup run has taught me that the unique difficulties arising from living on the streets at night are either practical or deeply emotional in nature.
People on the streets are often emotionally bereft. They do not have the luxury of security, safety, comfort or relaxation. Instead they are faced by isolation, increased vulnerability, feelings of abandonment, rudeness and aggression from the louts with a lack of love in their hearts. In addition they face the vagaries of the weather, insanitary conditions such as no toilets, rats and worsening health .Ironically the night can also offer some limited comfort in that people can feel invisible from prying eyes, free from scrutiny and harsh judgements but which only serves to reinforce their isolation leading to a further and deeper withdrawal. There are also the personal demons which plague individuals. Deeply entrenched traumas which find expression in the dead of night with no distractions to keep them in check. They need to make it through the night only to be faced with another difficult day and then the need to do battle all over again. Unrelenting and overwhelming. Holding the night back by themselves.
Recently I met F on the evening soup run. I had made it my business to walk the quiet back streets, to search people out in the dark spots most people would normally avoid. I offered F some soup but her reply made clear her suspicion and lack of trust. “l will have your soup but don’t expect me to talk, I’m not telling you anything about myself “ She was brusque and defensive and her brow was furrowed with a scowl. At this point I decided not to ask for her name. I understood she only wanted the soup and not to engage with me. Having only just met her I was not surprised by her response as there was no reason why she should trust me. So, silently I poured out the soup and offered her a bread roll. As she reached for the cup I noticed a nasty burn on her thumb which caused her to wince in pain. I expressed my concern saying the burn looked painful and offered her a plaster. Surprisingly she explained how she had come to burn herself so badly.
“I don’t sleep through the night cos I’m afraid of the dark, I get bad memories of things that happened to me in the past. I sleep in the day time in the light so if I have a nightmare then I wake up in the light”. She went on to say “If I do have a nightmare in the night I wake up scared and so I try to keep my lighter on for as long as possible and it burns my fingers and thumb. I can stand the pain of the burn any day, it’s the pain of the nightmares and dark I can’t cope with”.
I sat down with F and mentioned a number of places she might want to visit. She responded by making it clear she wouldn’t bother accessing their services as she didn’t trust them and didn’t want them knowing her business. I left F as she carefully used the remaining lighter fuel to light up a roll up and I wondered how long it would last, this little spark of light…….her last line of defence.
Alongside emotional problems practical difficulties can often be the final straw. Generally speaking if we need anything we just pop along to the shops, or ring the doctor for an early appointment or take a quick shower etc. However at night things aren’t quite so convenient. In general, main stream services run through the day and close down for the night. Everything runs on a skeleton basis. If you have minimal resources to begin with how do you manage a crisis?
Shortly afterwards I found L whom I had met twice before. She explained she needed some personal items including sanitary products, tissues and body wipes. In addition she mentioned that her feet were cold and damp from being caught out in the rain. For L the difficulties included having no way of tracking the days of the month, having nowhere private to keep herself clean and having nowhere to dry her socks. Fortunately borne of experience I had come prepared with a wide range of essential items. I was able to meet all her basic requirements and she was quite relieved to receive the sanitary products. L then took her shoes off and it became clear her socks were dirty, threadbare and beyond salvaging. Digging deep into my rucksack I was able to offer L a new pair of socks which delighted her a great deal and she was able to lighten up a little and laughed with me and my volunteer that my rucksack was like a Mary Poppins bag with anything and everything in it. Excitedly she asked if I had any gloves as it was an unexpectedly cold night. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any gloves with me but asked her what colour she would prefer? She was surprised by this as no one had ever asked this before. She told me she would like some green gloves, as green was her favourite colour. We agreed I would bring them the next day and I asked her if this was her usual spot. L replied “ you will always find me here , this is my life “ and then she suddenly declared with deep feeling “ just for once I would like to wake up and think about wanting to live and not wanting to die and having to go through all this again tonight ”.
After the soup run had finished and I was heading back to my car I asked myself what does the night outreach service especially provide? As a worker working on the streets at night I am well looked after by Simon on the Streets and have the benefits of comprehensive support and tracking systems. There are procedures in place to ensure my safety, people will check in with me to support and reassure me, I am provided with appropriate clothing and equipment, I am accompanied by a dedicated, reliant and enthusiastic volunteer, all of which makes me feel resilient, appreciated, cared for and valued by my manager and team. On the evening soup run I try to impart to those I meet just a small part of that sense of personal worth. I strongly feel the night outreach gives people a chance for a brief moment, to be acknowledged by another person as being of value and in reducing their invisibility gives them substance. They can be reassured that they have connected with someone who will check back in with them the next day and who at some point might be able to help them plan their future.
As I got to my car I was still thinking about F and the night ahead. I went to the boot and retrieved a small torch I had in case of a breakdown in the night and went back to find her. When I offered her my token gift she was totally surprised and she suddenly grabbed my hand and asked “what did you say your name was” and I told her. She then thanked me and told me her name. She said she hoped to see me again and she would look out for me. I was astonished at the impact that my small gesture had made on F and amazed that she had told me her name. In the blink of an eyelid a connection had been made and she hoped to see me again. As I walked away in the dark she couldn’t see me smile but in the immortal words of Bob Marley maybe tomorrow we would both get another chance to “light up the darkness”.’
To support people who are sleeping rough in Leeds, Bradford and Huddersfield you can join us at our sponsored sleepout on September 24th in Leeds, visit our event website for more detailswww.sleepwithsimon.co.uk