Meeting for cake and coffee is something that female friends very often do, to chat, catch up and for new friends, to get to know one another. But what if you never got to eat cake with friends? One of our support workers shares the story of L, and how conversation over cake opens up avenues for understanding and change for one of her service users.
‘Recently I was walking to an appointment with one of our youngest and most complex service users L, and someone who was running a promotional event said “excuse me ladies, but would you like a free cake?” L was so pleased, not just with getting a free cake but with how she was spoken to. Simply being offered a cake led to a conversation about how others react to her in public. She commented that had she not been with me that would never have occurred; L said it is obvious she uses drugs so people either ignore her or give her pitying looks. Recently she actually had rotten eggs thrown at her by a group of men. When asked how she is affected by the reactions of others she said she gets upset but is used to it now.
For L, working with me is a huge step forward as she has is extremely isolated. L has escaped from a series of violent and controlling relationships. She used to be afraid of being on her own because due to her past experiences she believes this is when she is open to rape and violence. Despite it being positive that she is no longer with violent men, she is yet to develop more positive relationships with others and is often very lonely and feels incredibly vulnerable.
My job is not just about offering practical solutions to problems, it’s about offering emotional support for its own sake, as often people just want someone to talk to. It is about getting to know people as individuals in a respectful manner on the premise that asking someone about their background, their regrets, their goals, their personal philosophy and their character encourages self-reflection and lasting change, whilst fostering a trusting and respectful relationship. Over the past year I have learned that L is interested in philosophy and is studying world religion from a book she was given. As a child she used to enjoy trips to the ice skating rink when she was in care. I honestly believe that no one else is asking L these questions about herself, the sort of questions you might ask someone whilst chatting over cake and coffee. Yet it is exactly these questions that are leading L to consider that change for her might be possible.’
#Simone.